I’m feeling really humbled and settled in my soul right now. I’ve been feeling at home since I started my internship, and although I’ve had a lot of awkward moments (when have I not?), I’ve been learning so much and filling in a lot of gaps that have been missing since I moved to the foothills in 2006. I feel fulfilled, at home in different places, and am finding myself reflected in community again.
My life has always been full of experiences of multiple sides of the various issues that I’ve faced, and the awakening that I came to 5 years ago was that my purpose in life is to be a bridge. But sometimes a bridge isn’t what is needed… sometimes we need to choose a side; and for me, the only side that matters is the truth. I’ve spent years uncovering my own truth and finding all of the things that I felt were missing from such a fragmented childhood… identity, self-worth, purpose, talent, innate skills & resources, and meaning to my experience. I am absolutely blown away by the opportunities that have been opening up, yet I no longer feel as though I don’t deserve them. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve been learning and to all of the people who are showing me how to show up and fully be myself and help wherever I can… awkwardness and all. I may not always be articulate in conversation as I sort through all that is simmering within, but I am grateful for it as it keeps me teachable.
I say all of this to also point to the fact that my own personal satisfaction with my journey stems from a mix of personal struggle, privilege, marginalization, and the grace that has been shown to me interpersonally and through the resources that have been available to help me through various stages of my life. I am grateful for these, because they have given me a level of empathy that drives my purpose, and the responsibility to continue doing my own work to dismantle the systems and interpersonal patterns that have shaped my experience. Life is messy. Life is beautiful. Life is painful. Life is raw. And Life blooms when we do the work, reveal who we are beneath the facades and masks that we create for others, and we give of ourselves to help each other through the messiness and pain.